I want to share my personal
experience with you. It is not to play victim or to glorify myself. I was moved
to share this so that someone who is in a similar situation will benefit from
the same. After all, we are in this world to lift each other to be expressions
of the DIVINE.
I had this experience on Thursday,
28th Feb, 2019, i.e. last week. We usually have free time on Thursdays,
where we can go out for a walk. Somehow
when I reached my room after having a cup of tea, a feeling of loneliness
overtook me. (It is a rare phenomenon for me.) And I was wondering as to what I
am doing in my life in my present situation.
I had made a Personal Plan detailing
my Vision and my Mission. Sounds fantastic isn’t it? And yet I wasn’t making
much headway to become who I want to be. In that moment of loneliness, I
remembered my parents, my teachers, my friends, those who shaped me. In that
moment, when I felt that I had betrayed all of them by wasting my time, my
talents and my true self, I received consolation from up above. I was made to realize that I was focusing too much on
myself – Who I should be? What talents do I need to cultivate? What skills I need
to acquire? I was wrong. I was told and I fully agree with this - that my life
is not about me anymore. It is about all those whom I encounter in my life. I
had my Personal Plan outlined, yes. That’s good! I realised that that would be
a reality only when it is backed by emotion and conviction. All this while I was
only interested in becoming as I planned. That’s where the problem was. I was
only interested. I wasn’t committed to become my best version.
So on that day, I committed
myself to become the best I could be. Yes, I made a commitment to myself. I
thought of making progress in the physical sector in the beginning. Marvellous,
isn’t it? And then… And then I failed; I failed within five days. I gave up. I had
thought that making a commitment on one day would fuel me to carry on till the
end, till I acquire my dream. I was wrong. My so-called-commitment had no base in
reality, no practicality because I was not ready to change. I had the idea, a
rosy picture of what I could be, if I were to change. But again, there was no
conviction. I wanted success without sacrifice. That is not what life is about.
I realised that if I wanted to be a different person, I have to start doing
things which I was not doing earlier. Only if I do new things, begin new habits
it’s then and only then that I would create a new ME. 
Rituals and habits would
mark my new ME. All this could be possible only when I have the willingness to
change backed by emotion and conviction. Thus, I experienced the joy of
cracking the code of Personal Plan for me. Put emotions into the Plan. For I
have realised that though, we are intelligent beings, with a quick logical mind,
we tend to make many decisions in our daily life based on our emotions. When we
are children, we have our parents or guardians to parent us. Now that we are grown
up, we have to parent ourselves. We like to be in the state of comfort. We
resist change. It is there that our Adult self needs to work; To push ourselves
out from our comfort zone. We need to parent ourselves.
Today, I announce to the whole
world that I have formed or rather found my conviction that is backed by a strong
emotion of gratitude. My new ME awaits me. And I hope to complete Phase One by April
2, 2019.
My greatest realization from this
evening: What I am doing must be in line with the fullest expression of Who I
Really Am.
How awesome is God’s way of
communicating!!!
Thank You very much.
