For those who don’t know me (and in that case – Thanks! for
reading), I am just finishing my first year of MPh (Philosophy) and I am going
to submit my proposal for dissertation by the end of next week. 
What topic
do I choose? How will I take it forward in my life? Will I get the desired
support? Will a ‘Go Ahead’ green signal shine on my face? Will I be able to
CONTRIBUTE, be fruitful? These are just some of the questions that I tackle
everyday, with not much result. But then ‘Attachment’ dawned on me! Yup! I will
start from there, pull out some insights, go beyond it and as a result
CONTRIBUTE.
I’ll
come to what happened (am happy to share) and now begins the non-sensical part!
Early in the morning (that was on 12 March), I was angry with God and myself
(foolish that I am). I almost threatened HIM to show me the way ahead! And you
know what??? NOTHING HAPPENED.
Just
before lunch, out of the blue, I discussed it with Fr. Tony D’souza sdb (our
confessor, that’s secondary; a very good person - primarily) and that
discussion lit the passion within me once again, to move on. In the evening
talk (our recollection was going on) Fr. Ian Doulton sdb mentioned a small
incident about the devils discussing (which Don Bosco overheard) as to how to
bring the Salesian Congregation down. From there, a small message popped up in
my head – My study should be for the benefit of the Apostolate! That I may not
just preach but translate it into action. 
After the talk, just during the
adoration, I was having some disturbing feeling. And someone urged me (I
believe in Angels) to take may Bible along. I sat on the ground with the Bible
in hand and with my eyes closed. Somehow, I saw or imagined or hallucinated or
rather felt (I don’t know what) that I was in the midst of a war, that I was
fighting (against whom, I could not make out). I opened my eyes, I looked at
HIM (Jesus) straight and muttered, “NOW is the time, help me!!!”
With
some instinctual feeling, maybe a prodding from HIS part, I opened the Bible.
And the first thing that struck me on the page was the page number. It was 143.
(I hope you know the significance! No? Let me help you – it is the code to say
‘I LOVE YOU’ and it just fit my situation) The paragraph that was shouting at
me was: (I will put the whole thing down. If you don’t have time just read the
bold ones)
A certain Ananias, came to me and said,
“Brother Saul, regain your sight!”
In that very hour I regained my sight and saw him. Then he said, “The God of our ancestors has chosen you
to know his will, to see the Righteous One and to hear his own voice; for you will be his witness to all the
world of what you have seen and heard. And now why do you delay? Get up, be
baptized, and have your sins washed away,
calling on his name.”
Then I
went for Confession (something that I’ve been pushing for later days). And what
an assurance, I got!!! ……….SUPPORT!!! That’s what matters. And in that happy
sentiment, mood, disposition (call it what you want!) I entered the chapel and
the Parable of the Prodigal Son was being read! (You know it, right? If not,
then just ping me! I will be happy to tell you.) That was enough to cap it all!
And all these are just what I needed…………..an assurance to go ahead!!!
