ANGEL...............Waiting for one

                                                    Hiiiiiiiiiii !!!!!!! It’s nice to see YOU here….

I had written this poem when I was at a stage where I had to make a firm decision. I was a little bit confused. Writing your feelings do help, so I did the same. I am posting this poem, because it makes me look back on life and sets me thinking and thus renews my life. It can help someone………
Who knows how God works!!!!  So here is the poem for you………

    Angel....... waiting for one

To come into my life

And lighten it with all that she has

The Power, the Smile,

And most of all – Love

That only She can provide.

 Love and not lust, that I seek,

To express

And in this beautiful process

Bare out my heart, my feelings,

My whole self, all that I am.

I know, somehow I just know

That there is THE ONE waiting for me

Is it a game?

Do I have two lives?

Commitment !!! This word loaded with meanings

Haunts me, for I have already given

Myself to THE GREATEST ONE

Yet I believe that HE knows my heart

That I want to spread HIS love

To the whole world.

To see the radiating happiness in people’s faces

Is my wish. I hope that will be

My battery to continue HIS work.

But I long to experience love, first.

I know that THE GREATEST ONE  loves me

But I – a normal human being

Want to feel it in a tangible way.

Could it be possible that I am

Mixing up the two?

Immature though my wish be

I am happy that I could atleast bring it out.

Words!!! Can you do this for me?

To express what I really feel?

Religious Life, so holy, so family like

This was my previous presumption

I guess that no one can escape the jungle.

Man is an animal, the intelligent animal

But yet an animal after all

You fend for yourself,

Remember your stomach is yours,

Your life is yours,

Your heart is yours, not someone else’s.

Happiness, like a magnet, attracts many.

Am I a tissue paper? Use and Throw?

Where and how doesn’t matter.

You have value only when you are of use.

‘We don’t need a human being,’

That’s the feeling I receive.

 A human being who has feelings, emotions

Who can spread happiness by simply being.

But what People need

Is not a ‘Being’ but a ‘Doer.’

They seem to give worth or rather weigh

A person by the many things he can DO.

God, my Love, THE GREATEST ONE,

Send down your Angel

Or teach me to look into the Heart

And help many to do the same.

I’ll wait, till I die,

Atleast then will I be assured of meeting YOU,

My GF......

MY GREATEST FRIEND,

THE ONE,

THE GREATEST ONE.

A NONSENSICAL YET A MEANINGFUL EXPERIENCE

   

For those who don’t know me (and in that case – Thanks! for reading), I am just finishing my first year of MPh (Philosophy) and I am going to submit my proposal for dissertation by the end of next week.

                What topic do I choose? How will I take it forward in my life? Will I get the desired support? Will a ‘Go Ahead’ green signal shine on my face? Will I be able to CONTRIBUTE, be fruitful? These are just some of the questions that I tackle everyday, with not much result. But then ‘Attachment’ dawned on me! Yup! I will start from there, pull out some insights, go beyond it and as a result CONTRIBUTE.

                I’ll come to what happened (am happy to share) and now begins the non-sensical part! Early in the morning (that was on 12 March), I was angry with God and myself (foolish that I am). I almost threatened HIM to show me the way ahead! And you know what??? NOTHING HAPPENED.

                Just before lunch, out of the blue, I discussed it with Fr. Tony D’souza sdb (our confessor, that’s secondary; a very good person - primarily) and that discussion lit the passion within me once again, to move on. In the evening talk (our recollection was going on) Fr. Ian Doulton sdb mentioned a small incident about the devils discussing (which Don Bosco overheard) as to how to bring the Salesian Congregation down. From there, a small message popped up in my head – My study should be for the benefit of the Apostolate! That I may not just preach but translate it into action. 

              After the talk, just during the adoration, I was having some disturbing feeling. And someone urged me (I believe in Angels) to take may Bible along. I sat on the ground with the Bible in hand and with my eyes closed. Somehow, I saw or imagined or hallucinated or rather felt (I don’t know what) that I was in the midst of a war, that I was fighting (against whom, I could not make out). I opened my eyes, I looked at HIM (Jesus) straight and muttered, “NOW is the time, help me!!!”

                With some instinctual feeling, maybe a prodding from HIS part, I opened the Bible. And the first thing that struck me on the page was the page number. It was 143. (I hope you know the significance! No? Let me help you – it is the code to say ‘I LOVE YOU’ and it just fit my situation) The paragraph that was shouting at me was: (I will put the whole thing down. If you don’t have time just read the bold ones)

                A certain Ananias, came to me and said, “Brother Saul, regain your sight!” In that very hour I regained my sight and saw him. Then he said, “The God of our ancestors has chosen you to know his will, to see the Righteous One and to hear his own voice; for you will be his witness to all the world of what you have seen and heard. And now why do you delay? Get up, be baptized, and have your sins washed away, calling on his name.”

                Then I went for Confession (something that I’ve been pushing for later days). And what an assurance, I got!!! ……….SUPPORT!!! That’s what matters. And in that happy sentiment, mood, disposition (call it what you want!) I entered the chapel and the Parable of the Prodigal Son was being read! (You know it, right? If not, then just ping me! I will be happy to tell you.) That was enough to cap it all! And all these are just what I needed…………..an assurance to go ahead!!!